________________________________________________________________________________ Enter The 'Stupid Patent Tricks' Contest We've all read about some of the dumber patents issued recently by the United States Patent and Trademark Office [USPTO]. The Slashdot community is full of talent and creativity, so why not come up with our own stupid patent ideas instead of waiting for Amazon or Priceline or some other company to come up with something amusing? First prize is a $50 ThinkGeek Gift Certificate that I am paying for out of my own pocket, and will personally sign. The winner will be chosen on the basis of originality, believability, and humor value. To start things off, I will describe my own personal contribution to the Stupid Patent Pool: Zero Click Shopping. As you know, Amazon has successfully patented "One Click Shopping," Barnes & Noble is angry about the patent, and Apple has bought into the idea. Such tomfoolery! This concept is no more deserving of a patent than something as basic as, say, the hyperlink. So I decided to go Amazon one better and invent Zero Click Shopping: "A method of using javascript or similar technology to produce a series of Web page-displayed images that, when "rolled over" by a customer's mouse in a predetermined order, either causes a purchase to be consummated or causes a series of preselected items to be placed in a single customer-accessible data file so that the customer can purchase all selected items at the same time instead of having to perform a series of separate transactions." Remember, you saw it here first! If anyone tries to patent this silly, rather obvious concept from this day forward, you can point them to this article to show that is was instantly obvious to anyone familiar with the "state of the art," which means that this idea should not be patentable. But nowadays, the head of the USPTO seems to believe that every boneheaded concept deserves patent protection, and that if you don't like a patent, you are supposed to hire a lawyer and take it to court. Gaaah! So let's take the idea and lampoon it -- minus the legal fees, of course. Write a patent summary. It can be for anything, as long as it sounds credible and is written in patent-talk or a reasonable parody thereof. Post it here. We'll let the Slashdot moderators decide which ideas have merit (or at least humor value) and which don't. The Slashdot Authors, acting in all of their usual chaotic glory, will decide which of the highest-moderated pseudo-patents wins the grand prize. Three Honorable Mention winners will each receive a Slashdot t-shirt from ThinkGeek. You must be a registered Slashdot user to win. Entries will be accepted until 11:59 p.m. (2359) GMT on Friday, October 13. Winners will be announced on Tuesday, October 16. Judges' decisions are final. (If you don't like them, hold your own contest, okay?) The purpose of this whole thing is to laugh, not to get rule-bound, so post away, have a good time, and may the dumbest... er... best ... idea win! [...] Case closed, I win I would like to patent the notition of producing and object called a "Patent" to protect my rights in a court of law. Despite the fact that this has been done in the past, since no one else has patented it and I have a huge legal team that can lobby my initial draft of this document around 1776, I will proceed to claim all current patents as my own. Anyone attempting to post a patent to this forum will be sent sleaze and dissect orders as nessesairy. Consider this your written warning... [...] Data Collector This is a process wherein data might be collected from users of a web site by having them fill out an electronic "form." It includes a means to ensure the form is filled out correctly, a means to "tag" the browser of the user so he/she may be tracked later, a means to store user data for quick and convenient access by administrators, a means to cross-reference user interests from the form data with web site activity, and a means to ensure data is current by verifying users' email addresses through periodic emails sent to users' mailboxes. [...] E-Commece "A method and system for making a purchase via the Internet. A computer system (client) or similar technology receives a series of Web pages detailing information about products and services produced on the fly by another computer system (server) or similar technology, such that these products or services may be purchased or more information about these products or services may be displayed. The server system receives purchaser information including identification of the purchaser, payment information, and shipment information from the client system. The server system sends to the client system an HTML document identifying the item and including an order button. The client system receives and displays the HTML document. In response to the selection of the order button, the client system sends to the server system a request to purchase the identified item. The server system receives the request from the client system and generates an order to purchase the item in accordance with the billing and shipment information whereby the purchaser effects the ordering of the product by selection of the order button." [...] P.I.L.E.S. Progressive Intuitive Logical Errata Stacks. a system that involves placing individual pieces of errata (paper, mt. dew bottles, parts, etc.) upon your desk until there is no usable workspace in non computer and monitor bearing surface. [...] Multi-scale network Interconnect An integrated system of network devices and physical cabling infrastructure in which each node (e.g. computing device) has a unique network address number. A distributed hierarchical database of paths (routes) between addresses may be used to dynamically determine how to get data from one node to another, based on the existence or speed of available network paths. By utilizing the same infrastructure within an organizational boundary, an entity (e.g., a business or educational institution) may interconnect their internal set of network devices and infrastructure with the outside world. Potential socially beneficial applications for this multi-scale network interconnect include e-commerce and massive direct marketing based on electronic text messages. [...] Drag-n-Drop Shopping A method for shopping on the World Wide Web whereby the user need not click on the items to be purchased. Instead, icons representing the items to be purchased are dragged into an iconic representation of a shopping cart. When the user is ready to check out, they drag the shopping cart icon to the icon of the checkout register. Implementation can be done using JavaScript, Dynamic HTML, or various other dynamic web-based technologies. [...] How about hot key shopping? C-x b Move to next Store C-x f Open a new Store C-h k Describe the item ESC w Add to cart C-k Remove from cart You get the idea... unless amazon is working on a patent for the shopping cart. 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